Marriage!

On Saturday, my wife and I were privileged to be present at the marriage of two lovely young disciples of Jesus, to one another.  It was, of course, a French wedding - the third that we have attended during this calendar year.  With more than 46 years of marriage behind my wife and me, I have a more than passing interest in the institution of marriage, and want to share some thoughts on the subject, here.

Marriage, as I shared in the Christian Marriage Service that I conducted in my days as a parish minister, "... is a state of life provided and instituted by God. It has been blessed by the presence of Jesus Himself at the marriage in Cana of Galilee. In Holy Scripture it is commended as honourable in all, and the marriage union is seen as a symbol of the union of loyalty and love that exists between Christ and His people.

"It is, therefore, not to be undertaken lightly or unadvisedly, but thoughtfully and reverently, and as before God, and with due consideration of the reasons for which it was given to us.  It was given for the sake of the life-long companionship, help, and comfort that husband and wife ought to have of each other.  It was given that family life may continue, and that children, who are a gift from God, may be brought up in the love and security of a stable and happy home.  It was given for the welfare of human society, which can only be strong and happy where the marriage commitment is kept and honoured."

It is, to me, a matter of great sadness when couples who have entered into such a union decide, for whatever reason, to break it.  Especially in a Christian marriage, the union is a covenant relationship that includes Father God - and only He can break such a union (which He does by the death of one of the couple).  This is why, the immediate words following the exchanging of vows, and rings, are: "What God has joined together, man must not separate."

An illustration that I have used for years was, not too long ago, expanded by a friend.  It concerns what I refer to as "the eternal triangle".  That is, in secular terms, a reference to "husband, wife, and the other man/woman".  However, I think of it as the husband, the wife, and Father God.  Imagine the triangle standing on its base. The couple are at opposite ends of that base-line.  Father God is at the apex, and the other two sides of the triangle connect Him with the husband and wife.  If, at any time, there should be a crack in the base-line, then as long as the other two sides remain intact - in other words, as long as each spouse maintains their relationship with God - the triangle will stand upright, allowing time for the crack in the base-line to repair.  It is only when one of the sides is broken that the whole edifice comes crashing down!

That was as far as I used to go.  However, a friend who was in a group with which I was sharing that, added to it. She pointed out that, if the couple each move up "their" side then, as they draw closer to God, they also draw closer to one another!  I love that extra dimension to the picture.  It is, I believe, the secret of a truly happy marriage.

My young friends who were married to one another on Saturday, both love the Lord, and each loves the other.  It is my prayer for them that, as they live their lives for Him, so they will indeed be drawn ever closer to Him, and to one another, and be a shining example to all who know them, of what a truly Christian marriage can be like.

Disciples of Jesus - and alcohol!

With the New Year now into its fourth day, there will be many who will, only now, be returning to "normality" after a round of parties and, in all probability, the consumption of more alcohol than is considered to be "reasonable"!   Among them will, I suspect, some who would claim to be "Christians" (aka disciples of Jesus).

It may be claimed that no-one knows alcohol better than a recovering alcoholic!  Such a person will have known the grip that alcohol - an addictive drug, albeit a legal one - can have on an individual.  Last week, I came across a list of "50 reasons to be teetotal".   As someone who is, himself totally teetotal, I was interested.  However, what made me even more interested was the discovery that this list had been compiled by a recovering alcoholic who has been saved by the grace of God, and who is now pastoring a Christian Fellowship!

Remember, this list (I am only printing the first ten on this post) is intended to be of special interest to those who would happily describe themselves as disciples of Jesus - or, at least, as "Christians" (which is not always recognised as being the same thing!).


1. I can't be sober-minded if I'm not sober.

2. Alcohol has an assignment: destruction.

3. Alcohol is a depressant. Anything that depresses should be avoided at all costs.

4. I don't want to make my brother or sister stumble in the name of exercising my "Christian liberties." My choice to drink could lead to someone's demise.

5. Alcohol skews my judgment.

6. Alcohol leaves me worse, not better.

7. What I do in moderation, my children will do in excess.

8. Even the unsaved know I shouldn't drink. Bible in one hand, beer in the other—any lost person could point this out as a confusing contradiction.

9. Alcohol doesn't bring others closer to the Lord when they see me drinking, but further away.

10. Alcohol doesn't bring me closer to the Lord when I drink, but further away.

You may not agree with any, or all, of the above points.  However, do please remember that they were written, not by teetotal me, but by someone who has experienced, all too clearly, the destructive aspects of alcohol consumption - and who probably started with just a little "social drinking".  I am not seeking to judge anyone on their alcohol intake - merely, I hope, providing some "food for thought"!

Regrets?

Tomorrow, DV, I will once again celebrate the day of my physical birth!  Okay, when I say "celebrate", I really mean "remember"!   No big party; no special meal; not even a cake!   Just my wee wife and me, here in the static, spending another evening together.

I've had quite a few of these birthday anniversaries and, as I look back over my life, I've had quite an interesting one.  Of course, as with (I would think) everyone else, I have a number of regrets.  There have been decisions made that I have wished I had not made; there have been choices made that I have wished I had not made; there have been things done that I wish that I had not done.

The other side of that is that there have been other decisions, choices, actions, that I have not regretted, and do not regret.  The most important of those was made just a few days before I celebrated my physical birth for the fifteenth time (Feb.9th, to be precise!).  That decision was to yield my life to the Lord Jesus, the Christ, and to seek to serve Him for all of the days that He would grant to me.   As I have, of course, often said, I doubt that I fully understood the import of that decision, at that time.  However, I can happily testify that I have no regrets about having made it.  I have often -all too often - let Him down; but He has never let me down.  I have found Him to be completely, and utterly, trustworthy; totally dependable; and the best Friend that anyone could ever have.

Another decision about which I have no regrets is the one that took place some ten years later when I asked a certain young girl if she would condescend to be my wife.  Thankfully, she made the decision to do so - and we are now in our forty-fifth year of marriage.   Yes, we have had our 'ups and downs'; but she has been a faithful, supportive, encouraging, loving wife - no man could ask for better.  I loved her then - or so I thought.  Actually, as the years have passed, I have discovered that I didn't really know what love was, all of those years ago.  I love her, now, far more than I would even have thought possible on that evening when I made my marriage proposal.

Nor have I regretted our decision to have a family.  We have two daughters of whom I am so very proud.  They are very different from one another, in many ways; but each is "the fruit of my loins", and is greatly loved by their dad.

I wonder, as you read this post, if you have ever taken time to look over the decisions that you have made - like myself, some that you will regret, and others that you will not.  It is, I would suggest, a salutary experience to take the time to do so.   When you do, I trust that you will be able, with me, to give thanks to Almighty God for His guiding hand upon your life.   My first excursion into tertiary Education was my attendance at the Bible Training Institute, in Glasgow.  The motto of the College was (in transliterated Greek!) "pistos ho Theos".  In translation, that means "God is faithful".  That is certainly my testimony; I trust that it is yours, also!

Children, pornography, and sex!

So it takes a study by the Office of the Children's Commissioner to inform us that children who watch porn are more likely to engage in 'risky' sex acts!

Do these civil servants not understand the basics of advertising? We tend to want what we see - and manufacturers, and their marketing departments, take full advantage of that. It is no different with children and even sex.

Of course, the answer lies in the accepting, by parents, of responsibility for the safe upbringing of their own children.  Therein lies what I believe to be a major part of the problem.  For at least a couple of generations, and certainly since the teaching of the 'expert', the late Dr Benjamin Spock, we have encouraged our children to be small-sized adults.  "Don't call me Mr Ross - it's Brian!"; "Ask Brian if he will get that for you." (from a parent); "You and I will be best pals!" or "Okay, mate!" (adult to child).  Sorry, folks, but while I would always wish to be friendly towards any child, I am not their "mate", or "pal".  I am an adult - now old enough to be the grandparent of any child who is still at school.

It was this attitude, in my opinion, that led to the lack of respect displayed by so many children towards those deemed to be "in authority" - police officers, teachers, etc.  The number of what are still referred to, euphemistically, as "single-parent" families, has not helped.  That is not to say that no single parent has ever raised a well-mannered family.  There are exceptions to every rule.  Sadly, however, they are the exceptions.

Another problem is the way in which some parents constantly give in to the demands of their children - back to the power of advertising!  Seriously, does a primary school child really need a mobile 'phone - let alone one by which the internet may be accessed without any parental, or any other adult, supervision?

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." writes the inspired author of the book of Proverbs (Prov 22:6) and, again, "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die." (Prov 23:13).  Oh, and please note that that latter quotation is most definitely not an excuse for any form of child abuse.  That is a different matter altogether.

Turning to the New Testament, we find Paul writing to the Ephesian believers, "Children , obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  "Honour your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth." (Eph. 6:1-3).  However, he also provided the other side of the coin: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Eph 6:4).

If I fail to follow the instructions for the use and service of my car, I cannot complain to the manufacturer if it breaks down.  As a society, too many have failed to even read the Maker's Handbook (aka the Bible).  We have no right to complain that society has broken down!

Feet of clay!

It was just before I closed my Facebook account, last week, that the stories of the late Jimmy Savile's alleged abuse of children during his long career in radio and television, were breaking.  The comments all suggested that the writers were unable to believe that such allegations could have even a grain of truth in them, and most seemed to be expressing the fervent hope that they would all be shown to be false.

A week later, and the picture has changed - and changed quite dramatically!  The ITV documentary has been screened; a steady stream of fresh allegations have been made by those who claim to have been victims of Mr Savile's unwanted attention; and an increasing number of former colleagues are claiming that his behaviour was, in fact "an open secret" (to quote just one such person) within the BBC.

The major question, for many, is why it is only now that these folk who appeared to have known about the activities of the "Jim'll Fix It" star, are speaking out!  Suggestions have been made that it was because of the way in which the libel laws in the U.K. are formed.  However, that merely begs the question: "If the evidence was so strong, why would anyone worry about the libel laws?"  After all, if what I say is proved to be true, I am not being libellous!

The subject matter of the current complaints concerning the former "showbiz celebrity" aside, there is another aspect that doesn't appear to have been picked up by the media.  We live in a culture and society in which a person's worth is so often measured by their "entertainment value", be it in the field of T.V./radio/theatre/film, sport, or whatever.  Unfortunately, as the current situation may well yet show, those who are raised up on pedestals by an adoring public, are all too often found to be made of clay! 

Of course, there is One Who never lets His followers down.  That One is the Lord Jesus.  He, and He alone in the history of mankind, was able to ask, not His friends, but His enemies, "Which of you convicts me of sin?" (John 8:46; RSV).  Of course, no-one could because, as the writer of the Letter to Hebrew disciples of Jesus could claim: "... we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Heb 4:15; RSV - my emphasis).

If you want a role model worth following; if you want someone to whom you may look up; if you want someone who will never let you down; look  "... to Jesus the Pioneer and Perfecter of our faith Who, for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb 12:2; RSV).

Who's watching the children?

Although it would appear that they have not broken any of the relevant regulations, Labour's dynamic duo (no, not the Milliband boys!) of Ed Balls and his wife, Yvette Cooper, have been named by a Conservative M.P. who has asked the Standards' Commissioner to investigate claims on their expenses for almost 400 journeys - by their three children!  The accusation is that Mr and Mrs Balls have had their family's travel subsidised more than other "Honourable Members" have had for their families!

Of course, the Party machine has quickly moved into operation, and the shadow Children's minister has pointed out that the couple have to be in Parliament, and in their constituencies, each week; and asks who is supposed to look after the children if they have to leave them behind in London, or in Yorkshire?

May I be so bold as to suggest that, with two ministerial salaries in the last government, and two shadow ministerial salaries in the current parliament, together with all of the expenses that members are still able to claim, they could at least afford to employ a nanny?!  Better, if Mrs Balls feels the need to be employed, let her take up a job that would allow her to be at home with her children at least as much as the average working mother!  Best of all, she could be radically reactionist, and stay at home to look after her children by herself!

Of course, there will be those who will defend this woman's right to take on whatever job she pleases.  However, I would wish to defend the right of her children to be surrounded by a mother's love!
 
The Biblical model of the family - with the husband being the provider, and the wife being the carer - may be out of fashion in our modern secular society.  But it's still the healthiest, and the best!

What happened to childhood?

Two other items of news today have caused me a different kind of concern. 

The first concerns a 12-year-old girl who died in her father's arm.  The father claims that it was the stress of constant bullying that caused her death.  I do not have the relevant medical, or pathological, knowledge to make any comment on that.  However, the newspaper article went on to explain the grounds of the bullying.  It reported that, after this young girl's death, her family found various notes in her bedroom.  In them, "... she outlined her personal torment at being picked on 'for being innocent' about sex."  The father is also reported as having said that his daughter "... was a beautifully innocent girl, but the kids started to call her a lesbian because she didn't know as much as them."

On the same page was another disturbing article.  A group of nine-year-old boys (yes, that's 9!) have been suspended from their school after having been found selling cannabis in the playground.  They were, it is alleged, selling the drug at a ridiculously low price, on behalf of another boy!

A child of 12 doesn't know enough about sex; children of 9 selling drugs - even if one mother claims that her son only did so under pressure.  I don't know about a fairer, or a bigger, society; but it seems to me that these incidents are a clear indication that we have a badly broken society.

So, how might this broken society be mended?  Perhaps a return to the values of the Creator would be a step in the right direction!  Paul wrote to the disciples of Jesus in 1st-century Ephesus: "... submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the Head of the church. He is the Saviour of His body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.  For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.  He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.  In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.  No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of His body.  As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'  This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.  So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.  'Honour your father and mother.' This is the first commandment with a promise:  If you honour your father and mother, 'things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.'  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." (Eph 5:21-6:4; NLT).

It may seem a bit old-fashioned to some.  But it works - and even those who are not committed followers of Jesus would do well to apply its instruction to their own lives.

Of course, there needs to be a protection for our children that doesn't just involve taking all of the conkers from a horse-chestnut tree at a school, lest one fall on a pupil, and the parents sue the local council!  The whole 'pushing of the boundaries' by television and film/DVD/video producers; the gradual ignoring of the 'nine o'clock watershed' (which was pretty useless as few children over about seven years of age seem to be in bed by that time - and those who are have a television set in the bedroom); the ready availability of pornograhic material on the internet - and all too few parents applying any level of responsible monitoring of their children; the preponderance of 'single-parent' families; all of this, and more, needs attention.

That's why government legislation will never be sufficient.  What is needed is a wholesale renewal of the mind (see Rom.12:2); what the late Peter Marshall referred to as "surgery of the soul".  It may already be too late - but it is surely incumbent upon all who claim to be disciples of Jesus to be much in prayer for a generation that seems to have been denied the opportunity to enjoy a real childhood!

Priorities!!

I was both shocked and angered when I read a comment by someone who is not one of my own list of Facebook friends (but is on the list of a mutual friend) that she had been to the petshop to buy puppy shampoo, puppy deoderant and, wait for it, puppy toothpaste and a puppy toothbrush!!!  This pampered puppy pooch was then, apparently, taken into the shower!

Now I am as big an animal lover as anyone, and would never knowingly cause harm or distress to any domestic animal.  But toothbrush and toothpaste; deoderant; shower!!!!   Do these people, who consider themselves to be Christians, live with their heads in the clouds - "too heavenly-minded to be of any earthly use"??

Last week, as it happens, was World Water Week, when world leaders gathered together in Stockholm to wrestle with the problems arising from the shortage of water in some of the world's poorest nations.  But let's give the puppy a shower!   Across the world, almost 900 million people live without clean water.  But let's give the puppy a shower!  More than 2.5 billion people have no access to safe sanitation.  But let's give the puppy a shower!  Unclean water is the second biggest cause of children's deaths.  But let's give the puppy a shower - and don't forget to spray on the deoderant, and brush its teeth!!

I find myself asking if the owners of this cosseted canine are aware of the floods in Pakistan - and the serious concerns about outbreaks of watery diarrhoea and dysentery, and even cholera and similar water-borne diseases ; famine in Niger; persecution of Christians - often to the point of death - in more countries than some would like to believe; a despearate need for Bibles in many countries; an appeal for wind-up radios to enable isolated believers to receive sound teaching, and others to be able to hear the Gospel message; and those who seek to work in such areas always short of funds.

Now I know that I am answerable for only my own actions - and that includes my giving.  And I realise that my using less water in the UK (or here in France) doesn't provide an extra drop in Pakistan, or drought-stricken areas of Ethiopia.  But, surely, it's a matter of attitude and priorities.  I don't know the cost of puppy toothbrushes and the rest.  I do know that that money would be far better spent on providing such a basic necessity for a child in Liberia or some other such poverty-stricken country.

Jesus said: "... just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions." (Matt 7:20; NLT).   It is not my place to judge anyone else - but I do find myself wondering what the actions of this family, with regard to a dog, says about their priorities!  They probably don't even know that this blog exists!  But if this post speaks to just one person, that in itself might save the life of just one child.  That would make it very worthwhile.