Reverse reasoning!

One of the sad characteristics of modern society is the preponderance of divorce. What, to me, is even sadder is the number of divorced, and remarried, couples who claim to be born again of God the Holy Spirit. Now, I am fully aware that there are certain reasons that may be considered 'acceptable' for a divorce to come about. I know, too, that Almighty God Who, "... from the beginning made them male and female ..." (Matt.19:4), and Who decreed that "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two shall  become one flesh'. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What, therefore, God has joined together, let not man put asunder." (Mark.10:7-9), "... hates divorce ..." (Mal.2:16), but permits it because He knows the 'hardness of our hearts'. (see Mk.10:5).

Divorce produces all sorts of adverse sociological effects. Children are often torn in their allegiance between two warring parents. Often, the absence of love, or the lack of a proper father, or mother, image can warp the character of youngsters who are innocently involved in a marital "tog of war". However, if a man loves his wife, and cleaves to her alone; and if she, in turn, respects and reverences her husband as the Word of God clearly demands; then they will avoid many of the pitfalls in marriage. 

Of course, this requires that currently rare quality that is named "committment". Too often, couples are united in wedlock in a rosy fog of optimism! They see only the good point of their 'significant other', and are blind to anything else. As the old adage puts it: "Love is blind - but marriage is an eye-opener"! Some are aware of the other's faults, but convince themselves that the person will change (or that they will change the person!), after the wedding.

When I married a couple, I often gifted them not only a Bible, but also a book titled "After the wedding comes a marriage". It made the basic point that the two words are not synonymous. Indeed, the "reverse reasoning" in the heading refers to what may happen when the wedding and the honeymoon are over. "Reverse reasonings" are when what were once viewed as attributes are gradually catalogued as faults. Someone has listed just a few of these. "She was married to him because he was 'strong and masculine'; she divorced him because he was 'a very dominating male'. He was married to her because she was so 'fragile and petite'; he divorced her because she was so 'weak and helpless'. She chose him because 'he knew how to provide a good living'; she divorced him because 'all he thought about was his business'. She loved him because he was 'easygoing and romantic'; she left him because he was 'shiftless and always partying'. He was married to her because she was 'steady and sensible'; he divorced her because she was 'boring and dull'.

As we are all sinners in the sight of Almighty God, we must expect to find 'faults' in any one we choose as a mate. However - and I speak as one who is anticipating the 48th anniversary of my marriage on the 4th of next month - there is a way! I have often explained it as the true "eternal triangle". In the world, the "eternal triangle" tends to refer to me, my wife, and the other man/woman. The "eternal triangle" to which I refer is the husband, the wife, and the Lord. My wife and I are at opposite ends of the base line in that triangle - which is an upright one. The two lines to the apex represent our individual relationships with Him. Now, imagine a crack in that base line. Is that sufficient to make the triangle collapse? Of course not! It is only if there is a break, or a crack, in either of the lines to the apex that there is a problem! If two people maintain their relationship with Father God, then the marriage will survive even the difficult situations that any marriage experiences.

Fairly recently, I was sharing that illustraton with a group of people when one lady took it a stage further. She shared that her pastor of many years ago had pointed out that, as we draw ever closer to the Lord - moving up the line, as it were - then we are drawn closer to one another! I like that picture. By the way, she and her (first and only!) husband have been married to one another for even longer than my wife and I.

If our lives are truly bound together in the Lord Jesus, we have a foundation to our union that will not be shaken by the practice of "reverse reasoning"! [The remarriage of divorcees is another topic, for another post!].